How To Get Your Husband To Do More Of The Housework

One of the most common reasons for fights in a marriage centers around one spouse feeling like they are doing the majority of housework with little to no support from the other.

I can certainly relate to this. After I had my first baby, I resented my husband for a long time. Not only was I the one taking care of the baby 99% of the time, but I was also doing 90% of the housework.

And on top of that, I was working from home part time. I was so angry at him all the time for not doing more that I would eventually explode. He would feel attacked and shut down even more. Things needed to change, and fast, or we were headed for real trouble in our marriage.

Eventually, we were able to work this out, and have been able to find a balance where we both feel happy and appreciated. But I had to be the one to make a change or nothing would be different. So let’s dive into how I got my husband to help more with housework.

How To Get Your Husband To Help More With The Housework

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Don’t Attack Him

This was probably my biggest mistake in the beginning. I was so angry that he couldn’t see all that I was doing and offer to help that I would either make passive-aggressive comments toward him or just be downright mean.

If someone did that to you, would you want to help them? Probably not.

The old saying “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar is very true. I know it can be hard when there is so much built up anger and resentment, but this simple change can make a big difference.

Be Specific About What You Want

Think of all the things you would like help with. Maybe it’s washing the pots and pans after dinner, while you wipe down the table and counters. Ask him to do that specific thing.

Instead of saying, “can you come out here and help me”, change it to “Would you please wash the pans while I wipe down the counters? That would be a big help!”

When I started doing this, there was an almost instant change. I came to realize that even though I believed he should have seen me struggling and offered to do more on his own, he didn’t, and he couldn’t read my mind either.

And as upsetting as that was, I knew that if I wanted it to change, it was up to me.

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Refrain From Criticizing

This was another big mistake I made. When he actually did help out, I would tell him everything he was doing wrong, correct him and show him how I do it.

If he had done that to me, he probably would no longer be alive, so it’s no wonder he didn’t offer to pitch in more.

So, while your husband is performing housework, don’t say anything unless it is words of praise. If you can’t help yourself (I’m talking about myself here) then leave the room, or even the entire house.

It may be different than the way you do it, but at least it is getting done, and your goal of getting him to share the load is being met.

Set Firm Boundaries

If you have an agreement that each of you has certain chores that you are in charge of, then stick to it. If he doesn’t do something that he has already agreed to, don’t just do it or him, because you will be letting him off the hook and it will lead back to anger and resentment again.

We teach people the way we want to be treated, and this is especially true in a marriage. What do you think you are teaching your husband if you do all of his chores when he doesn’t? You’re teaching him that you will always pick up his slack.

Remind him that he agreed to do the chore and that it hasn’t been done yet. If it is affecting your ability to do other things, then explain that to him, as well. Just make sure you are doing so in a kind way.

Related: How To Set Guilt-Free Boundaries With Your Family

Show Appreciation

As I’m sure you know, motherhood is often a job with very little acknowledgment or appreciation. But when you are shown some gratitude it feels amazing.

You’re husband wants to be appreciated, too. So when he pitches in, make sure you thank him and tell him how much you value the help. He will be more likely to continue doing it, and even help out more in the future.

I hope you found this post helpful and that it will help you get the support you deserve. If you are a stay at home mom, please know this applied to you as well. Just because you are home all day does not mean that you should be doing it all by yourself. You are partners, equals. He should contribute just as much as you.

Is there anything you would add to this post? I would love to hear from you.

Know a mama who needs more support? Be sure to share this with her.

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